Ah, the festive season! That magical time when the air smells like cinnamon, your inbox
overflows with Secret Santa invites, and your calendar becomes a dense forest of holiday
parties, family dinners, and obligations you didn’t even agree to. If you say "yes" to
everything, whether baking 200 cookies for the PTA fundraiser or hosting the in-laws for the
fourth time, you might be dealing with a sneaky little companion called low self-esteem.
It’s okay; you’re not alone. Many of us fall into the trap of people-pleasing, particularly during
the holidays. But here’s the downside: the more you please others at your own expense, the
less joy you’ll have to enjoy the season. So, let’s unwrap this issue (pun intended), look at
why it happens, and, most importantly, learn how to sprinkle a little more self-love into your
celebrations.
Why Does Low Self-Esteem Lead to People-Pleasing?
I see this all the time in my work with clients in therapy. At its core, people-pleasing often
stems from a desire to feel valued, accepted, or loved. When self-esteem is low, we may
start outsourcing our sense of worth to others. Saying “yes” becomes a way of avoiding
conflict, seeking approval, or feeling like we’re “useful.”
The problem is that slipping into people-pleasing behaviours at the festive time of year is
often always at the detriment of your well-being. Twisting yourself into knots trying to meet
everyone else’s expectations depletes your emotional bandwidth, your boundaries are non-
existent, and your joy starts to deplete.
How People-Pleasing Impacts the Festive Season
The festive season can be delightful, of course, but it can also be stressful too especially if we
are adding pressure on ourselves to be everyone’s personal holiday elf. Here’s how this
habit can turn your season of cheer into a season of stress:
1. Burnout Claus Is Coming to Town
When you constantly say “yes” to things you don’t want to do, you drain your energy faster than your fairy lights drain your electricity bill. Overcommitting leaves little time for rest, reflection, or enjoying what you love about the holidays.
2. Ho Ho... Oh No: The Resentment Creeps In
Sure, you said “yes” to Aunt Karen’s 14-hour cookie-decorating marathon because you didn’t want to disappoint her. But now, halfway through your fifth tray of reindeer-shaped sugar cookies, you’re quietly fuming. That simmering resentment? It’s the emotional equivalent of a lump of coal.
3. The Perils of Saying “Yes” Out Loud but “No” in Your Heart
Every time you agree to something you really want to decline, you’re teaching yourself
(and others) that your needs don’t matter. That’s not a lesson you want to keep reinforcing.
How to Say No (Without Becoming the Grinch)
The key to managing your well-being this holiday season is mastering the art of saying
no—with kindness and confidence. Here’s how:
1. Recognise Your Limits (And Honor Them)
Your time and energy are like mulled wine: finite and best enjoyed in moderation. Before
agreeing to anything, ask yourself:
- Do I have the capacity for this?
- Will this bring me joy or just add stress?
If the answer leans toward stress, it’s time to politely decline.
2. Try the “Compliment Sandwich” Approach
Not sure how to say no without feeling guilty? Try this:
Start with something positive. (“Thank you for thinking of me!”)
Deliver your no with grace. (“Unfortunately, I can’t commit to that this year.”)
End with goodwill. (“I hope it turns out wonderfully!”)
3. Practice Saying No in Low-Stakes Scenarios
If saying no feels like scaling Everest, start small. Decline that extra whipped cream on your latte or skip the gift-wrapping service. Building this muscle in little ways makes it easier to flex when it matters most.
4. Replace Guilt with Gratitude (For Yourself!)
Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you a person who respects their own
needs. Be proud of prioritising your well-being—it’s a gift to yourself and those around you. After all, the people who truly care about you want you to be happy, not stretched thin like a piece of tinsel.
Permission to Prioritise Yourself
Here’s the thing: when you focus on taking care of yourself, you’re better equipped to show up for others in meaningful, authentic ways. So, this holiday season, give yourself
permission to:
- Spend an evening watching cheesy holiday movies *alone*.
- Say no to events that don’t excite you.
- Delegate tasks, even if they don’t get done *exactly* how you would do them. (Yes, this is your sign to let someone else hang the lights—crooked ones still sparkle!)
The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration—not a never-ending
to-do list designed to prove your worth. By learning to say no with kindness and prioritizing
your well-being, you’re not just surviving the season; you’re thriving in it.
So, here’s to a holiday season filled with more peace, less pressure, and just the right
amount of you. Because let’s face it: when you’re happy, everyone else gets to enjoy the
best gift of all—your true, relaxed, and festive self.
Happy holidays, and may your “no” be as merry as your “yes”!
By Natasha Page Follow me on Instagram @Natashapagemsc