Understanding Triggers for Low Self-Esteem, How Our Inner Child Can Help Us Overcome Them

As a psychotherapist and self-development coach, I have spent years working on my own self-esteem, just as I help others do the same. Yet, one of the most humbling lessons I have learned is that triggers are inevitable. No matter how much inner work we do, certain situations, words, or interactions can stir something deep within us, making us feel small, unworthy, or not good enough. But rather than seeing these moments as setbacks, we can use them as opportunities for deeper self-awareness and healing.

What Are Triggers and Why Do They Matter?

Triggers are emotional reactions that feel disproportionate to the event. They often stem from past experiences, frequently rooted in childhood, when we form our beliefs about ourselves and the world. When a trigger surfaces, it is usually because an old emotional would have been reactivated.

For example, imagine you’re talking to a group of friends, and one of them starts talking over you. Rationally, you might know it’s not personal and that it’s just because they are feeling excited or passionate about the topic you’re discussing. But suddenly, you feel invisible, unworthy, and deeply hurt. This reaction isn’t just about the present moment—it’s likely a reflection of past experiences where you felt unheard or dismissed.

The Inner Child: Your Key to Understanding Triggers

The concept of the inner child is a powerful tool for self-exploration and healing. Our inner child represents the parts of us that experienced and internalised messages about our worth, often before we were even aware of it. If, as children, we were criticised, ignored, or made to feel not enough, those experiences don’t just disappear; they become embedded in our subconscious and show up as triggers in adulthood.

When a trigger occurs, it’s often our inner child crying out, reminding us of old wounds that have not yet been fully healed. Understanding this allows us to respond with compassion rather than self-judgment.

How to Work With Your Inner Child to Heal Triggers

The first step is becoming aware of when you have been triggered. Instead of beating yourself up if you have responded in a way you feel was an overreaction or you are ashamed of your response such as an angry response or feeling tearful. Take a moment to pause and acknowledge that there may be something deeper at play, not just what is happening In the present moment.

Connect With Your Inner Child

Ask yourself, Where have I felt this before? Visualise your younger self in a situation where they felt similarly. What did they need in that moment? What words of comfort would have helped?

Soothe and Reassure Yourself 

Speak to yourself with kindness, as you would a child. Remind yourself that you are safe, worthy, and no longer in that past situation. Affirmations like I am heard, I am valued, I am enough can be powerful tools.

Reframe the Narrative

Instead of allowing the old story to dictate your emotions, reframe it. If your inner child was told they were not good enough, remind them (and yourself) that this was never true. The interruption in the meeting does not define your worth.

Practice Self Compassion and Patience

This topic is so important, and I speak about it at length in my project, which supports women in building better self-esteem. I always stress that healing self-esteem wounds is a process, not an overnight fix. Each time you work with your inner child, you strengthen your sense of self and reduce the power of triggers.

Embracing the Journey

Triggers will always be a part of life, but they do not have to control us. Instead of seeing them as failures, we can view them as invitations to heal, grow, and nurture ourselves in ways we never received as children. By embracing the inner child within us, we transform self-esteem wounds into stepping stones for greater self-love and resilience.

It may be helpful to take some time to identify some of your triggers and how your inner child might be asking for your attention. The next time a trigger arises, try sitting with it rather than running from it, and you may find that healing is waiting on the other side.