The Holiday Juggle: Why People-Pleasing Is the Gift That Keeps on Taking

Ah, the festive season! That magical time when the air smells like cinnamon, your inbox overflows with Secret Santa invites, and your calendar becomes a dense forest of holiday parties, family dinners, and obligations you didn’t even agree to. If you say "yes" to everything, whether baking 200 cookies for the PTA fundraiser or hosting the in-laws for the fourth time, you might be dealing with a sneaky little companion called low self-esteem.

It’s okay; you’re not alone. Many of us fall into the trap of people-pleasing, particularly during the holidays. But here’s the downside: the more you please others at your own expense, the less joy you’ll have to enjoy the season. So, let’s unwrap this issue (pun intended), look at why it happens, and, most importantly, learn how to sprinkle a little more self-love into your celebrations.

Why Does Low Self-Esteem Lead to People-Pleasing?

I see this all the time in my work with clients in therapy. At its core, people-pleasing often stems from a desire to feel valued, accepted, or loved. When self-esteem is low, we may start outsourcing our sense of worth to others. Saying “yes” becomes a way of avoiding conflict, seeking approval, or feeling like we’re “useful.”

The problem is that slipping into people-pleasing behaviours at the festive time of year is often always at the detriment of your well-being. Twisting yourself into knots trying to meet everyone else’s expectations depletes your emotional bandwidth, your boundaries are non-existent, and your joy starts to deplete.

How People-Pleasing Impacts the Festive Season

The festive season can be delightful, of course, but it can also be stressful too especially if we are adding pressure on ourselves to be everyone’s personal holiday elf. Here’s how this habit can turn your season of cheer into a season of stress:

1. Burnout Claus Is Coming to Town

When you constantly say “yes” to things you don’t want to do, you drain your energy faster than your fairy lights drain your electricity bill. Overcommitting leaves little time for rest, reflection, or enjoying what you love about the holidays.

2. Ho Ho... Oh No: The Resentment Creeps In

Sure, you said “yes” to Aunt Karen’s 14-hour cookie-decorating marathon because you didn’t want to disappoint her. But now, halfway through your fifth tray of reindeer-shaped sugar cookies, you’re quietly fuming. That simmering resentment? It’s the emotional equivalent of a lump of coal.

3. The Perils of Saying “Yes” Out Loud but “No” in Your Heart

Every time you agree to something you really want to decline, you’re teaching yourself (and others) that your needs don’t matter. That’s not a lesson you want to keep reinforcing.

How to Say No (Without Becoming the Grinch)

The key to managing your well-being this holiday season is mastering the art of saying no—with kindness and confidence. Here’s how:

1. Recognise Your Limits (And Honor Them)

Your time and energy are like mulled wine: finite and best enjoyed in moderation. Before agreeing to anything, ask yourself:

- Do I have the capacity for this?

- Will this bring me joy or just add stress?

If the answer leans toward stress, it’s time to politely decline.

2. Try the “Compliment Sandwich” Approach

Not sure how to say no without feeling guilty? Try this:

Start with something positive. (“Thank you for thinking of me!”)

Deliver your no with grace. (“Unfortunately, I can’t commit to that this year.”)

End with goodwill. (“I hope it turns out wonderfully!”)

3. Practice Saying No in Low-Stakes Scenarios

If saying no feels like scaling Everest, start small. Decline that extra whipped cream on your latte or skip the gift-wrapping service. Building this muscle in little ways makes it easier to flex when it matters most.

4. Replace Guilt with Gratitude (For Yourself!)

Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you a person who respects their own needs. Be proud of prioritising your well-being—it’s a gift to yourself and those around you. After all, the people who truly care about you want you to be happy, not stretched thin like a piece of tinsel.

Permission to Prioritise Yourself

Here’s the thing: when you focus on taking care of yourself, you’re better equipped to show up for others in meaningful, authentic ways. So, this holiday season, give yourself permission to:

- Spend an evening watching cheesy holiday movies *alone*.

- Say no to events that don’t excite you.

- Delegate tasks, even if they don’t get done *exactly* how you would do them. (Yes, this is your sign to let someone else hang the lights—crooked ones still sparkle!)

The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration—not a never-ending to-do list designed to prove your worth. By learning to say no with kindness and prioritizing your well-being, you’re not just surviving the season; you’re thriving in it.

So, here’s to a holiday season filled with more peace, less pressure, and just the right amount of you. Because let’s face it: when you’re happy, everyone else gets to enjoy the best gift of all—your true, relaxed, and festive self.

Happy holidays, and may your “no” be as merry as your “yes”!